Dating Online? Watch that Ad!
June 26, 2005
New to Online Dating? Trying to find the man or woman of your dreams through the Virtual World? You need to have a Good Personal Ad or Dating Profile
Some people don't believe me when I tell them that most problems with not enough Responses to your Ad can be fixed just by writing a better Ad. And then I often take them, real-time, to an Online Dating Site. I randomly start reading out profiles, and they cannot believe that so many people write such terrible ads! Maybe it is this overvalued notion of spontaneity, of writing whatever comes to your mind, letting it flow, being you - which leads you to write gibberish in your ads. Say goodbye to any success in Online Dating with that. Think what would happen if NASA Engineers became spontaneous.
So stop your Dating shuttle from crashing and read these examples of common Mistakes in Dating Profiles. Have a laugh, but be careful, your own profile may have bugs too! (All examples are real)
.."I am a funny, witty person...."
Funny and witty people never write that directly. Instead of saying this, add a touch of humor to your profile.
.."I was just bored, so wrote my profile here..."
A negative attitude. Instead, say, "I am new to this..."
..."I am an Honest, Spontaneous, Creative, Intelligent (..other personal adjectives) ...person."
Very few people think they are not, so this is very subjective (same as the fact that 80% people believe that they have an IQ above average!). Even if true, it is redundant information at best. Avoid using personal adjectives in your Ad or Profile.
Define yourself concretely-better to say I am a Guitar player in a Band or I write Novels or I am a practising Doctor than I am Creative or Intelligent.
..."I want a guy who can make me laugh..."
Comes across as negative-you sound slightly depressed if you need someone just to make you laugh. Theres plenty of stuff on the TV to make you laugh, and you are not looking for a joker, you are looking for a boyfriend, a mate...remember?
..."I like dark haired men, but if you are blond and good-looking, write me anyway, maybe you can change my mind...."
Turn-off to blond men. Make up your mind, if you are looking for only dark haired men, just say that. Dont play both sides of the coin, generally backfires. Better not to say anything if you are not sure.
..."I like taking walks by the ocean, or watching TV, or going camping with my friends..."
Unimportant details. Most people like these things, and these are hardly important details in finding a partner (it is unlikely you wont like going out with someone just because they dont like walking the beach or watching TV with you) . Your hobbies is where you put these things, and more specifically-e.g. Camping, or Watching Basketball.
..."I am sexy, flirtatious,... I like kisses on my back, full body massages from my boyfriend/girlfriend..."
Generally speaking, keep the sexual innuendos out. You will have plenty of time to exchange many raunchy emails if you are addicted to writing sexual stuff... but in the first impression, keep it out. Think about it this way-would you say this to a guy or a girl in a bar who you meet for the first time? If not, then dont say it in your Ad either.
..."I am looking for a REAL man/woman, with all the letters of REAL..."
Everyone is real. Basically, dont worry, sounds like you have had some bad experiences in relationships, but thats over now. Come with a positive attitude to Online Dating, and just meet the people. Then when you email them and meet them in person, you can decide if they are real or not.
..."I am not interested in guys who are bitter and boring..."
No one is. Use the Ad mostly to tell what you like, not what you dont like. Agreeability is a must have in first introductions.
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